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Love Is in the Air: Couples Share Their Secrets for a Lasting Marriage

Marple Friends & Neighbors, February 2022

February may be filled with long nights and frigid temperatures, but it also overflows with warmth and love as we celebrate Valentine’s Day. February 14th is the second-largest card-giving holiday — a time to express our love and appreciation for the special people in our lives. For many married couples, it’s a time to reconnect and remember the reasons why they said “I do.”

Maintaining long-term relationships can be challenging, especially during personal hardships or a global pandemic. When stress levels are high and the time spent together can seem overwhelming, there are some secrets to success that can help keep your marriage healthy and alive.

All experts agree that if you want your marriage to make it, then you need to devote time, effort, and energy to your partner, no matter how many years you’ve been together. Even the most stable marriages require regular attention. To help you keep your promise to live happily ever after, we talked with some of our happily married friends and neighbors, who shared some great happy-marriage advice.

Never leave the house without saying goodbye.
Mornings can be hectic and stressful, between packing lunches, serving breakfast and making sure everyone gets to school and work on time. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos while rushing out the door. Even if you’re only heading out for a quick trip to the gym or grocery store, be sure to give your spouse a hug and a kiss before you leave. It only takes a few seconds and can make a big difference in your relationship.

Practice the “sandwich” technique.
This method of communication works well anytime you feel the need to address a problem or concern. Face it, no one enjoys hearing about things they are doing wrong, and criticism often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try starting the conversation with a compliment, then address the problem, and end the conversation with a reminder of something else you like about your spouse.

Laughter really is the best medicine.
Even in stressful situations, sometimes all you need is a moment of levity to change the tone of the conversation. That’s not to say you should poke fun at your partner, but use humor to ease the tension if you can. Other ways to keep the laughter alive are by watching funny movies, going to see a comedian or playing fun board games.

Never stop dating.
It’s important to keep treating your spouse the way you did when you were dating. Schedule regular date nights and go out to dinner or to the movies. Do the things you love to do but be open to exploring new activities too. Sprinkling your routine with bits of spontaneity will keep things fresh. Take a surprise day trip, enroll in a class together or plan a little getaway — whatever you do, just make sure things stay exciting and a reminder of what life was like at the beginning of your relationship.

Ditch the phones.
Give your spouse the priority of your time and your full attention by turning off the technology. Designate specific times during the week and weekends to disconnect from the outside world. Your spouse will instantly feel more valued. People love to feel appreciated, and if you want to make your spouse feel extra special, an easy way to do that is to unplug.

Say Thank You, even for the little things.
Don’t save your kind words for the big things like gifts and flowers. Thank your spouse for all the little things he/she does to make your life easier. Perhaps your husband always empties the dishwasher, or your wife is the one who does the weekly food shopping. Thanking them not only shows your appreciation for the task but also lets your spouse know that you value the great way you work together to help each other out.

Take responsibility for your feelings and your actions.
If you have a bad day, don’t blame it on your partner, your kids or your boss. Mood swings and outbursts of frustration happen to the best of us, but remember that your feelings and your moods are your own responsibility. If your mood is caused by something your partner did or did not do, try talking it out using the sandwich technique we discussed earlier.

Make a point this Valentine’s Day to incorporate into your own relationship some of the advice above. With these marriage tips, you’ll be setting yourself up for a happy and healthy relationship for years to come.